It’s the summer commonly known in June as monsoon season and when the dark clouds begin to gather around this time of year, it’s a clear message from God, he too hates Wimbledon !
Every years the same middle class people crowd into the place like girls at an all girl’s boarding school pushing and shoving there way to the front of the queue at the only phallic shaped dorm door handle in the school after dark.
Tim Henman can no longer embarrass the nation both with his dismal inability to hit the ball back and his boring monosyllabic monotone voice which im advised is played at abattoirs to help destroy cattle some say its cruel but when you’ve shot a steel bolt through a cows head and its still looking at you like “what did you do that for” there’s no choice but to do a ‘Henman’ on it, the cow simply gives up the will to live and voluntarily swallows its own tongue.
This year like every year we will believe our man the Brit Andy Murray will win it, when I say Brit I obviously mean Scottish but as his the Islands only hope he has been saddled with the Brit label just like the other famous British tennis player we had around the Henman days the strange sounding “Greg Rusedski” he was the very American sounding guy who spoke and looked like he had been a victim of a hit and run road traffic accident to be fair he played like he had been in a road traffic accident, keeping true to form I last saw him dancing like he had been in a road traffic accident on “Come Dancing”.
Yes Andy Murray will capture the nation’s heart and then volley it into the ground at 120 m.p.h when he crashes out the tournament after round 3, it will piss down, Federer or other guy will win, Andy Murray will again be Scottish.
Its Gods will!
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