I blog because shouting at the telly and finger pointing at some celebrity in the newspaper just make me think im talking to myself …which of course I am and judging by the lack of comments on this site I still am but I can’t prove that so I am at ease that there are millions of you just reading my stuff and watching me like a peeping Tom.
I am curious why others blog though, whenever I click ‘next Blog’ I nearly always a get blog about cake decoration or the God Squad preaching, for the record I like a cake im partial to the coffee éclair and if God exists I reckon we’d be mates, I really want him to exist and when I die he can recall the time I shit myself on a plane from Orlando to UK having spent two weeks pretending to enjoy rollercoaster’s!
I want him to laugh at how when myself and my flatmate were crossing the Atlantic at night we hit turbulence, at first I braved it out but found myself drinking my scotch and coke a lot faster than normal and what made matters worse was that I had a feeling we were all going to die and that my friend was totally oblivious to this fate that was worse that death, I say worse than death its death but it felt worse than death at the time.
I remember clearly speaking to God when the seat I was sitting in left my bum for about 2 seconds as it went with the aircraft my bum relocated itself in the seat with a thud when it caught up with it, meanwhile my friends face hadn’t changed, women and children were crying and the cabin crew were being ‘binged’ by passengers asking if we are going to die and to make matters worse I knew something nobody else knew except my flatmate, I had £200 worth of new designer clothes I had bought in my luggage, this is God punishing me we are certain to die he doesn’t want me to have the pleasure of wearing my new fancy clothes at a very reasonable price and to be the envy of my friends back in the uk as ENVY is a sin!
I shamefully asked God not to kill me yet as I really really really wanted to wear my new clothes, I took a lot of time picking those Nike trainers and Hilfiger sweater, and I had arrogantly binned my dirty old Adidas trainers that I had arrived in America with two weeks earlier, they were now languishing in the Hawaiian Economy Lodges hotel bin back in Orlando, I also didn’t fancy crashing in the dark in the middle of the transatlantic, I know that had we crashed I would have shamefully risked life and limb duck diving for my luggage and my clothes instead of saving passengers, If I did inadvertently save someone it would have been turned into a movie sequel of Accidental Hero with Dustin Hoffman.
I like to think he heard my prayer over everybody else’s that night as 10 minutes later we were out of the woods and I breathed a sigh of relief my flatmate was still non the wiser.
Ive kept this secret since the year 2000 this is what a blog is for, tell me your secrets if they are about cakes don’t bother?
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment